Excellence Makes Wack Irrelevant

One of the most pleasant sounding phrases in the English language...

2007-11-12T15:56:00.000-06:00

Crack cocaine capital of Connecticut.

Seriously, say it again, not thinking of blight or nothing. Just focus on those nice crackling sounds.

Crack (2 crackling sounds)
Cocaine (2)
Capital (1)
of
Connecticut (1).

It's poetry, I say.

and now, a public service announcement.

2007-03-22T12:10:00.000-05:00

(Deleted...Excellence is strictly for the filthy, filthy act of self-promotion.)

That being said, this dude is a little too prolific and all the same kinda one of my favorites. I stole the blog title from him anyway. Word to Sensational.

(And also Gnarlgnash.)

No Context#

2007-03-09T09:16:00.000-06:00

#Cornyness avoided: If I ever have a family, our Holiday cards are going to feature our efforts to replicate this classic. I'll play Ice Cube.

2007-03-08T16:11:00.001-06:00

Now even cats in Williamsburg/Greenpoint are yuppies. (Found via the always-worthwhile Gothamist)

"Little Lies" (Fleetwood Mac, Tango In The Night)

2007-03-07T09:08:00.000-06:00

Next in what I think might becoming a new EP, at least in my head, consisting of tracks created almost entirely from Fleetwood Mac samples, is this indubitably cheesy but rather catchy Mac song from the 80s, possibly their last hit single. It's the production more than the tune that makes this into pure Gouda, but I used to live in a place where the local Pizza Hut offered a pizza topped with Gouda, and goddamn was it good. (Not as good: the local liqueur, a slightly more interesting thing than triple sec and nothing more. [Also, not as good in Margaritas.]) The sample I'm going to use if I ever throw this record together (working title: Return of the Mac) is just the first few seconds from the top of the record, by the way, maybe until 0:13.

I really do believe this song might have been a truly good one if it wasn't for the fact that it was released in the 80s. Christine McVie is the underrated Mackette of their best-known lineup, with Stevie Nicks as the overrated one, Buckingham the Brian Wilson of the group (something like a genius at times, but fans already know that), and the rhythm section...a reason for the band's name.

Rather than post the song, I'm giving you the video. It's pretty bad, in a standard 1980s video fashion. In other words, I kinda love it.

"Ho" (Ludacris, Back for the First Time)

2007-03-06T08:23:00.000-06:00

Rarely do the free papers give you anything you can't get elsewhere, but NY Metro hit ESPN right on the head, deservedly. It's bad enough that espn.com kills me with the shock of ads blasting at me from ESPN Motion every time I try to check the front page--I'd probably have already quit looking at the damn site were it not for ESPN Insider--but lately "ESPN the Network" is absolute whoredom. I miss CNNSI, man. It was boring sometimes, but at least it was honest.

(This post brought to you by the NFL on ESPN! Sweet as Diane Keaton soaking in apple juice! Catch it!)

The Adventures of Grandmaster Flash on the Wheels of Steel" (Grandmaster Flash)

2007-03-05T15:59:00.000-06:00

Highly, highly recommended today for beat junkies: Fresh Air on NPR. Seriously. You get Melle Mel talking about "The Message" and, most cool of all, Grandmaster Flash actually dissecting the techniques on "Grandmaster Flash on the Wheels of Steel." F-R-E-S-H.

"Onomatopoeia" (Todd Rundgren, The Hermit Of Mink Hollow)

2007-03-05T10:53:00.000-06:00

Quote of the day, source which I failed to write down:

"If there was ever a word that sounds like what it is, it's 'scrotum.'"

"Happy Birthday" (Stevie Wonder, Hotter Than July) [Except, you know, act like it's about me and my 26th birthday instead of MLK. I guess.]

2007-03-02T10:05:00.000-06:00

Oh, and for that dude who seemed perturbed at missing the YouSendIt link yesterday for the Mac song (not to be confused with "Return Of The Mack"), go ahead and click right here. I'm not even getting gifts this year, yet I'm just the gift that keeps on giving.

"I Know I'm Not Wrong" (Fleetwood Mac, Tusk)

2007-03-01T11:38:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking lately about recording another album...EP, maybe...but the biggest problem is that I've been thinking more about building tracks from samples, but have neither the powerful computer, microphone, proper software (unless an okay quality sound can be created on GarageBand) or technical know-how to do it my way, straight from the Monitor Street residence. Sure, I'm tempted to tap my man DJ Canoli again, but I'm not sure how much he enjoyed it when I forced him to sample an ill loop from The Walkmen's "Wake Up", since samplage isn't really his style.

It's interesting to go from listening to almost nothing but hip-hop (me through age 15) to more often listening to people I discovered from tracking down samples from the songs I love, to listening to music and discovering loops that could really be exploited. And being as most cats aren't really looking to loop Tom Waits no more, there's some creative opportunities to be exploited.

My discovery from yesterday, listening to the overstuffed Fleetwood Mac album Tusk, one of the most excessive things ever created (I doubt the one million dollar cost of this record's creation is at all accurate when you factor in the cost of cocaine), was "I Know I'm Not Wrong." I relate to the song in having relationships go awry that make years go bad, at least insomuch as almost every relationship I've ever had broken off, um, for me, snapped between September and December. But more importantly, it's a banger. Seriously. This was the period of the Mac's existence when in Lindsey Buckingham's tracks, they almost started to sound like a marching band; on the title track, they (unnecessarily) even brought a marching band in.

I'm thinking the harmonica break can be the chorus of something, and a really dense section of this song like around 0:48-0:52 could make an interestingly dense backing track on verses. Hear this thing on headphones if you really want to hear just how much time/cocaine was spent on getting the sound wandering from channel to channel.

Fleetwood Mac- "I Know I'm Not Wrong"

2007-02-26T22:36:00.000-06:00

Out of my window I saw a four-foot guy (approx.) in thick black framed glasses and a vintage ski coat. And I think I just came up with a great children's book title: The Littlest Hipster.

Feel free to co-op that. I ain't writing the damn thing. I'm going to sleep.

"Sum Shit I Wrote" (Common [Sense], Resurrection)

2007-02-21T21:43:00.000-06:00

Felt like cleaning out some ol' shit lying around my cellar; this one, a little doodle I wrote in the Fix before it even had a record shop, was actually what I spun up off a Craig's List ad to get me into SNR. And the rest is history. Of a sort.

And if you didn't know, OK Soda was this, and squagels were the subject of David Cross' ire, once.

Jed and James are sitting on beanbag chairs around a table with a very large water pipe on it, and a dinner bell. Jed is scribbling frantically in a notebook with a big Spongebob Squarepants sticker on it. They are clearly very, very high.

JAMES
Jed, it’s a bad idea.

JED
What d’you mean it’s a bad idea?

JAMES
Who’s going to buy a greeting card that says, “Sorry you died”?

JED
Wrong question, man, wrong question. The question is, who isn’t going to buy a “Sorry you died” card. Death is, like, a part of life, man. The end part. Everyone loses loved ones, no one wants to go to funerals, but oh, what can they do about it? (James doesn’t respond) I’m asking you, what can they do?

JAMES
What can they do.

JED
(quickly, thrusting a “Eureka!” finger) They can send a “Sorry you died” card. That’s what they can do, my friend. (with the pipe in his mouth, garbling his words) This is gonna be bigger than birthday cards, my man.

JAMES
How are people who are dead even going to receive “Sorry you died” cards? Jesus, you come up with some stupid ideas when you’re high, but this is worse than when you made me join your ukulele jam band.

JED
We were ahead of our time. Our followers are still catching up.

JAMES
Or the dancing doll of Robert Smith from The Cure?

JED
The Dancin’ James Brown people ripped me off, man.

JAMES
Or Orbitz.

JED
Look, man, it’s not my fault people weren’t ready for soda with little globules of gelatin floating around in it, alright? No one laughed at bubble tea, did they? Huh? (picking up the dinner bell and ringing it) Edmund!

Edmund, a butler, enters.

EDMUND
Yes, sir?

JED
Edmund, tell Sam to get off the phone with the people from Berlin and come down here, a-sap.

EDMUND
I believe he’s attempting to sell Germany on the Kung-Fu Dodgeball League, sir.

JED
Kung-Fu Dodgeball sells itself! Get him down here!

EDMUND
Yes, sir.

JED
Oh, and could you also bring us some squagels and a jar of jelly-jam? We’re quite hungry.

EDMUND
(slightly revolted) Square bagels and peanut butter and jelly in the same jar. Yes, sir.

JED
And maybe a couple cans of OK Soda?

EDMUND
Certainly.

Edmund leaves.

JAMES
Peanut butter and jelly doesn’t taste as good out of the same jar! And OK Soda tasted like flat orange soda!

JED
James, I apologize for not asking if you would prefer a Crystal Pepsi. I’m sorry.

JAMES
And square bagels? Of all the useless…

JED
Whose house is this? Whose pot were we smoking? Whose Electric Light Orchestra album were we listening to?

JAMES
(after a pause) Yours.

JED
That’s right. This is my house and if I offer you a snack of some of my finest inventions, you will say thank you. If this was your house, I would gladly eat all the foodstuffs you got mass-marketed.

Enter Edmund (with a tray of squagels, jelly-jam, and OK Soda) and Sam, a loud-talker in a sharp double-breasted suit.

SAM
Boss, I got good news! The Berlin Buddah Monks just became the 15th franchise in the World League of Kung-Fu Dodgeball!

JED
I see a rivalry with the Rotterdam Ronin!

SAM
Not to mention the Amsterdam Eagle Fist!

JED
(ripping a page from his notebook and handing him his OK Soda) Sam, have an OK Soda to celebrate, and then you get back up there and sell Hallmark on this. It’s a sure-fire sell.

SAM
(looks at the page) “Sorry you died” cards? You’ve done it again, sir! (downing the OK Soda) Ah, the taste of Generation X!

Sam leaves, Edmund enters.

EDMUND
Sir, a Mr. Dave Matthews is at the door. He is asking if your ukulele band wants to “jam” with him.

JED
Tell him I’ll be right there.

JAMES
(beside himself with anger, shaking his OK Soda) It’s…not…fair.

JED
Dude, take it easy. I’m angry OK Soda didn’t make it out of test-marketing either, man, but…que sera, y’know? Now is Uke Juke gonna play with Dave Matthews or what?

JAMES
(pause, then reaches for his ukulele, hidden behind the chair) Uke Juke will play.

JED
(grabbing his ukulele and getting up) I told you this was a good idea. Let’s rock.

"Holiday Rap" (MC Miker G and DJ Sven)

2007-02-19T10:16:00.000-06:00

In honor of your day off, I present to you possibly the worst rap song ever. I first heard this one at about 4 a.m. on Mexican radio on my way to Benito Juárez International Airport. Strangely, it hasn't gotten any less surreal since.

"Pokerface" (Ghostface [Killah], More Fish

2007-02-17T15:35:00.000-06:00

Someone once asked me...

MIKE said...
Suggested blog topic: Why do white people like Ghostface so much?

I'll tell you what, I'm White People and I don't really know. I call here for a greater explanation from Professor-to-be Cameron L-Picone of a certain University clad in crimson to write me a few lines on this, since he is the blackest white person I know, but I'll give you two reasons I do.

1) Shuffling poker chips on a hip-hop track sound are awesome. I genuinely understand what Pretty Toney is talking about here.

2) I love Speed Racer.

Miles Davis Shouldn't Rap #4: Easy Mo Bee

2007-02-16T11:11:00.000-06:00

Easy Mo Bee created "Flava In Ya Ear" for Craig Mack, "I Love The Dough" for Biggie (which I've actually come around on since I wrote this even if it is just a bumped up Angela & Rene song), a nice chunk of Ready To Die, and.....Doo Bop.

But I don't blame him for this record. No, I still blame a Miles Davis who went quickly from a period of recording few complete records (even Get Up With It was table scraps) to making something, following his producers' leads more than he did with Teo, because the wear created by the drugs were finally making it difficult. He produced a decent record with a Danish guy ("Electric Red"?) and a weird vaguely political record with crappy pop covers. (And both of the original songs are good songs!)

And yes, I'd rather Doo Bop never exist, but artists of Miles' caliber are allowed mistakes. On The Corner was one to a lot of people too, especially at the time.

And yes, young Easy Mo Bee couldn't possibly turn down a chance to work with Miles, and Miles probably died too early to complete this record, much like this one.

The experience of going through this Divine Comedy through this pop-rap-jazz-crap-whatever record, which ends here, has made me realize that there is something to be gained to hearing almost any LP in the proper context, albeit not on headphones. I've bored a little deeper into this one than I wanted to but I'm happy I did it.

But fuck a Grammy. I mean, seriously, fuck a Grammy.

"Pimpin' Ain't Easy" (Big Daddy Kane, It's A Big Daddy Thing)

2007-02-16T10:48:00.000-06:00

Oh dear god. As my friend Matthew Schneider-Mayerson (one of the auteurs behind the Lincoln piggy assassination, clip below) put it, right in this clip, "larry the cable guy enters the national debate over the war."

For the record "Larry The Cable Guy" is a stupid, exaggerated character created by this lame comic...

...who has transformed quickly into the redneck Andrew "Dice" Clay. Clay, of course, was a (perhaps) once entertaining character created by one Andrew Clay Silverstein which became just plain irritating. Both are fun to use in one's individual ironic contexts. But how exactly would Andrew Dice Clay's Iraq policy work?

Before:

Jack and Jill went up the hill
And Jack would try to hump her.
Jill said No / and Jack said So
I'll ram it in your dumper.

After?

"Jill" was actually a group of several friends: Sheila, Sunny, and Karla. They were miserable because they were being pimped by a guy named Saddam. Without a plan, we shot him in the head, somewhat like Travis Bickle shot Sport in Taxi Driver. Sheila and Sunny and Karla were kind of hoping we'd actually give them a better life thereafter. Not so much so.

Miles Davis Shouldn't Rap #3: "The Doo Bop Song"

2007-02-15T11:26:00.000-06:00

"The Doo Bop Song" is the dumbest thing I've ever heard, possibly. Which explains why it's attached to the dumbest post on the dumbest movie ever, Finding Forrester.

Seriously, this is a song in which Miles Davis blows three notes while some guys you've never heard of sing...

"Just kickin' that doo bop sound, just kickin' that doo bop sound..."

...and you have to ask, what the shit is that? Hip-hop plus doo-wop plus Miles' first style, be-bop?

As for the rhymes, I dunno, Easy Mo Bee, the producer of this record and of such actual good songs as "Flava In Ya Ear" by Craig Mack (1994?), just can't rap. Consult the lyrics if you like...I can't seem to find them in the ten minutes I'm taking to write this on my lunch break...but I'd rather use the lyrics I made up for a play I wrote the first draft of six years ago. (And man, was it rough then.)

JIM
When I rent a car, a-yo I rent from Avis/
And I'm chilling on the corner with Miles Davis!

Absolute madness. More on Easy Mo Bee next time. And yeah, if you're reading this, just like Sean Connery in above-mentioned bad movie about two writers who could not exist, one based off one that does, well, what can I say? You're the man now. Dog.

"Dollar Bill" (Count Bass D, Begborrowsteal)

2007-02-15T08:34:00.000-06:00

Saw a guy wearing a black Yankees cap, of a sort, waiting for the E train to move from 23rd-Ely. It had a golden hundred dollar bill pattern stitched to the side. And rather than find it ironic, I thought, "Cool." But then again, a few minutes later I was staring at the subway map as the train stayed in the station just wanting the damn thing to move, so my opinion of the moment might have been a bit disjointed.

"All I am, or can be, I owe to my angel mother." -Abraham Lincoln

2007-02-14T14:47:00.000-06:00

(My friend Matthew Schneider-Mayerson wrote the below introduction for his video I'm putting up per his request. I have yet to see it, but I await that viewing eagerly. Enjoy. -jd)

MSM:

Here you'll find two clips from our 262 part series, Scenes from the Life of Lincoln. You'll note, of course, that Honest Abe is played by a pig. This is not a coincidence, but it is not necessarily intentional.

First, a note on our actor. This is Minibus' first major film, and we thought he was perfect for the role. Primarily, he is a domesticated sausagebowl, provided the stability that your average wild animal just can't provide. The zebra we imported bit the cinematographer time and time again, and the elephant was unable to display the subtle emotional shades that this film required. The lion did a striking (if somewhat inappropriate) version of Lincoln, but was unable to cry on cue.

The opening sequence, with a steroidal Americana song and a series of images of Lincoln, is meant to invoke both the open-endedness of history -- the way even basic historical facts are open to subjective interpretation -- and of the tendency toward revisionism. Did Lincoln really wear a dress? Doubtful, but who's to judge?

Perhaps the most jarring moment is the opening of the Gettysburg address. What's meant by this? Do the filmmakers intend to compare Lincoln to a domesticated ungulate and imply that his message of "a new birth of freedom" and equality for all seasons was merely rhetoric? Are we to infer, further, that the slimy yet sexy words of all politicians are to be equally distrusted? As a character says in the classic film Glitter in response to the self-posed (and to this discussion very relevant) question of "Is she white? Is she black?", I don't know.

The other critical moment I want to talk about here -- and I have so little time, my boat is leaving, hey there, you! give me back my catamaran! -- is the assassination sequence. This has become the controversy of our time, now that angry seas of Brangelina and TomKat have settled. Minibus, as Lincoln, begins eating the ketchup, his own blood. This was entirely improvised, so maybe only the star himself can address this question. What is meant by this? The blood of Lincoln sanctified, deified the great man, and cemented the resolve of a nation (although blood is actually not useful as cement). In his death, he became more than a man -- he became a man-God. Perhaps, as in the Borges story about Irish town that stages an assassination, Lincoln actually orchestrated his own death. Perhaps he had betrayed the Union, and his punishment was to save it by martyring himself. Is this what's meant by the pig drinking the ketchup? And why does the pig refuse to sit lifeless after his putative death, even as military taps swell around his piglike head? Is it because Lincoln refuses to die, is it that he remains even more relevant and politically powerful today than when he was actually president?

Thank you for your time.

Miles Davis Shouldn't Rap #2: "Human Nature"

2007-02-14T14:13:00.000-06:00

(Presently I don't have the song file necessary to finish this post, second of a series on Miles Davis' Doo Bop, but later today, an awful Miles Davis cover of a Michael Jackson record [not on said Doo Bop album] will explain this haiku. Seriously. Unless I forget it tonight because this is the worst holiday ever.)

Blow your horn away.
Liked the original, but,
Just die already.

(Video from 1991. Nearly dead.)

[Edit: a few hours later.]

Here's "Human Nature" if you can possibly stomach it. Oh, and happy valentine's day. Whatever.

"What?" (Devin The Dude, To Tha X-Treme)

2007-02-13T18:16:00.000-06:00

Seriously, I'd heard of it before, but what is this bullshit? (Sorry that's not a free NYT article anymore, but I picked it of a paper I found on the G train.) The more times I read this, the stupider it is. And I'm a little surprised that this isn't badly written.

"Working Class Hero" (John Lennon, John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band)

2007-02-13T05:52:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure what this is beyond being a semi-esoteric brief monologue built from a stolen quote that sort of baffled my friend Nick, but that's pretty much the reason I'm posting it. Thoughts appreciated.

ALEX
Nothing's that big a deal. If you want to hit a baseball, you practice hitting a baseball. If you want to play shortstop, you practice playing shortstop; if you want to play third base, as I now do, you practice playing third base. There is no mental element if you tell yourself there's no mental element and just swing the bat. (beat) If Joe wants me to take out the trash, I take out the trash. I don't question authority, honestly.

Joe enters with a bag of trash. Alex takes it, Joe leaves. Beat.

ALEX
I don't think I meant that literally.

Pause. Alex sort of shrugs, goes off to put the bag of trash out. It's a heavy bag. End.

Miles Davis Shouldn't Rap #1

2007-02-12T21:41:00.000-06:00

Today is the first day of an attempt to truly understand what a bad record actually is. A daily analysis of Doo Bop, one of the most inexplicable creations in our godless universe. Probably about four days worth but the four days worth may be spread out over six.

Doo Bop is essentially Miles Davis' rap record. I wrote a play with a fake reference to it before I'd actually heard the record because the concept of Miles Davis on a rap record is just that stupid. There are things to contemplate about it that I'll probably post tomorrow.

No Context Necessary #4

2007-02-12T20:25:00.000-06:00

"Si Acabo (La Malanga)" (Bobby Hutcherson, Montara)

2007-02-12T19:52:00.000-06:00

The most well-known quote from Malcolm Lowry's Under The Volcano translates oddly online.

"¿LE GUSTA ESTE JARDIN, QUE ES SUYO? ¡EVITE QUE SUS HIJOS LO DESTRUYAN!"

(Rough simple translation: "Do you like this garden that is yours? Be careful that your children don't destroy it!")

(The soft voice of http://ets.freetranslation.com/: He likes this garden, that is its? Avoid that its children destroy it!)

But there are worse translations.

"Love Is Strange" (Mickey & Sylvia)

2007-02-12T14:25:00.000-06:00

An entire show some friends of mine put on, roughly, is on YouTube. You'll have to click on this if you care to watch it, because it's a strung-together set of clips, but Rob, Laura, Matt, and Stacy are funny motherfuckers and I wish I could have been there to see this live. The writers' blogs are on the sidebar, by the way, as is Stacy's Manhattan Comedy Collective. I miss doing Saturday Night Rewritten even if I don't miss the title.

"King of Pain" (The Police, Synchronicity)

2007-02-12T11:29:00.000-06:00

I'm getting a little tired of Bill Simmons and haven't even watched The Grammies yet, nor am I sure that I will, but there was one line of his running diary of the dumbest show in music that I sort of loved.

"8:01 -- The Police kick things off with their much-ballyhooed reunion, which would have had me 20 times more fired up if this were 1995. I can't believe it took them 23 years to forget how much they hated one another. Most bands only need five or six. Better late than never, I guess."

If you actually care about awards, J Dilla rocked an entirely different awards show, among several other artists. (The list below is significantly edited from the source.)

Album of the Year: Band of Horses - Everything All the Time

Female Artist of the Year: Neko Case

Hip Hop Album of the Year: Spank Rock - Yoyoyoyoyo

DJ Album of the Year: Girl Talk - Night Ripper

Avant Album of the Year: Xiu Xiu - The Air Force

Artist of the Year: J Dilla

Live Act of the Year: Broken Social Scene

Song of the Year: Band of Horses - "The Funeral"

Record Producer of the Year: J Dilla

Music Video of the Year: Wolf Parade - "I'll Believe in Anything"

Album Art/Packaging: Hot Chip - The Warning

Record Label of the Year: Sub Pop

Live Music Venue of the Year: Bowery Ballroom
(J. Drimmer: Really?)

Music Festival of the Year: South by Southwest

Music Blog of the Year: Brooklyn Vegan

Magazine of the Year: Paste

College/Non-Commercial Radio Station of the Year: KEXP

Record Store of the Year: Amoeba Music, Hollywood, CA

Specialty Show of the Year (Commercial Radio): Sirius Left of Center - Blog Radio

Podcast of the Year: WOXY.com Lounge Acts

The Sample and the Source vol. 3: J Dilla and The Jackson Five

2007-02-10T10:30:00.000-06:00

Tonight at Galapagos Art Space a few Stones Throw away from my joint in Greenpoint, a one-of-a-kind event is coming off that, to your luck if you're in New York, was not featured in the Village Voice, which I guess might still give a shot of getting in. That is, if you think a free event hosted by the reemerged Pharoah Monch with a Brooklyn Brewery open bar from 10-11 p.m. and some of the greatest hip-hop ever playing from the speakers has any chance of going under the radar. The event is Donuts Are Forever, a special event to celebrate the life and life's work of J Dilla/ Jay Dee, possibly the greatest hip-hop producer ever.

The amazing instrumental record the event's title references, Donuts, was completed by Dilla as he lay dying, using whatever minimal equipment could be moved into Jay's hospital room; although the beats may be his best ever, they are also simpler insomuch as they are a return to the bread-and-butter of hip-hop production, pure sampling. (Jay's trademark drum productions are nowhere to be found; either they couldn't haul the drum machines in, or he just didn't want to go out like that.) Simple, but beautiful; heartbreaking too, when you know where he was when he made this record, what he knew would be among his last acts of creation before the Creator came for him, much like Matisse's cutouts. I've listened to this record more than anything I've owned since I was 13 and first bought Midnight Marauders, and that record was what actually started me as a serious music listener.

The sample source of "Time: The Donuts Of The Heart" off Donuts is a Jackson Five track, "All I Do Is Think Of You"; it retains the melancholy of the track, but speeds it up in interesting ways, then finds an ill spot to just luxuriate (or perhaps, judging from the female voice in the background, bonestorm). Sure, you lose a performance by Michael of the sort that actually had people convinced he might be straight, and the bassoon touch in "All I Do..." needs to be heard, but I think this is just a great example of just how little a hip-hop producer needs to do sometimes to create a magic minute. The hip-hop producer, after all, is just the cousin of the DJ, and the DJ was born the first time cats like Kool Herc discovered the joy of playing the sweet spot of a record again and again.

The video below is mindblowing as well...a Korean punk rock band covering this very Dilla song. Read that sentence again.

Oh, and then look again at the shirt Jay's wearing at the top of the picture. And tell me where I can buy that.

Head out to Williamsburg if you can, especially since I can't be there. Rest in peace, James Yancey.

J Dilla- "Time: The Donuts Of The Heart"

The Jackson Five- "All I Do Is Think Of You"

Hip-Hop Lines: Greatest Misses

2007-02-08T14:53:00.000-06:00

"...America, we love you
Because you rock and you roll with so much soul
You can 'rock 'til you're a hundred and one years old..."
-Wondermic of the Sugar Hill Gang, "Rapper's Delight" (Long version.)

America was actually 203 years old at the time Wondermic spat these lines. Later in the long version of the song, another member of the Gang, Big Bank Hank, kicks the line "you never let an emcee steal your rhymes" (90% or so of his rhymes were taken directly from the rhyme book of a real emcee, Grandmaster Cas of the Cold Crush Brothers) and has a line about Farrah Fawcett without a face. Ew.

"I dominate break loops, giving mics ministral cycles..."
-Nas, "It Ain't Hard To Tell"

It would appear the post-Nasty, pre-Esco (i.e., "good") Nas is talking about menstrual cycles rather than making up a word having something to do with ministers. Then again, it's so easy to become a minister in the Universal Life Church, perhaps Nas has in fact made each of his microphones men of the cloth?

Speaking of men of the cloth...

"Every jam we play, we break two needles
There's three of us but we're not the Beatles!"
-Run of Run-D.M.C., "King Of Rock"

First of all, only a really bad DJ would break not one, but two needles at a jam. Jam Master Jay (R.I.P.) was not a bad DJ.

But this line drew my attention because, well, what's Run got against Ringo? (Assuming John, Paul, and George are the three Beatles he's thinking of.) Okay, sure, he's more a "Beatle" than a Beatle, but his drumming got the job done. If this was a dis track, it shoulda at least been titled "Fuck Ringo." That's a record I'd like to see made. But then again, I'm still waiting on "Kill Bin Laden."

"What's next, what's next, what's N-X-E-T?"
-Warren G, "What's Next"

This isn't even dyslexic. This is simply retarded.

"30's the new 20, n@*$a, I'm still hot"
-Jay-Z, "30 Something"

Where to begin?

a) No, it's not. And pink isn't the new black, and ubiquity isn't the new exclusivity and night isn't the new day and [ ] isn't the new [ ] unless you're saying something logical, as in, "Daniel Craig is the new James Bond," and if you ever use this sentence construct in my presence you may find that a punch in the head is the new handshake.

b) Jay's not so much 30 as he is damn near 40.

c) Kingdom Come sucked and the album before it (Black, not Grey) was your best. To paraphrase "Encore", you may be less like Jordan coming back wearing the 45 and more like Jordan...wearing the teal?

"Black Cop" (KRS-One, Return Of The Boom Bap)

2007-02-06T14:57:00.000-06:00

I think I enjoy this more than I should due to my love of the KRS-One song dude flips into a tribute to Coaches Dungy and Smith, but at the very least, it's a hell of a lot better than most of the reverent, over-the-top bullshit that came out of the convergence of two black coaches in the Super Bowl and the shortest, coldest month of the year: Black History Month. It's a nice footnote, not Martin Luther King's whole dream, people. (25,000-plus hits? [Side note= Malcolm X gets 346. I'm not saying what you may think I'm saying: I find this shit just as mystifying as the King connection.]) And we all know nothing's really been accomplished until there are black men in space, right?

(Free Desmond Pfeiffer!)

"Why Hip-Hop Sucks In '96" (DJ Shadow, Endtroducing...)

2007-02-06T10:39:00.000-06:00

Same reason it sucks even more in 2007. It's the money...

"Orange Pineapple Juice" (Common, Resurrection)

2007-02-05T13:56:00.000-06:00

Gnarls Barkley is holding a weird haiku contest, theme "Solitude" or "Pineapple," (or, if possible, both) so I had to spin up a couple. The subjects aren't exactly in my wheelhouse, but I might have come up with one and a half good ones. Feel free to vote for the one I should submit in the comments.

staring at the walls
drinking rum and pineapple
alone is okay.

holding thorny fruit
with no knife to open it
i miss you so much.

acidic, sweet life
drowning in too much syrup
canned love, overripe.

girl, be the dole corp.
I'll be a third world country
please, fuck me over.

"The Horse Song" (Iggy Pop)

2007-02-05T11:02:00.000-06:00

Rexy, Rexy, Rexy...good God. The Chicago Bears were somehow still in a game where they were utterly and totally (statistically) dominated, thanks to Devin "Tecmo Super Bowl" Hester (because only in the classic NES game is it so easy to break past a few guys at the line and then be gone like Buster Douglas) making for the best beginning to a Super Bowl ever; one mighty Thomas Jones run and a sharp Rex Grossman TD near the goal line; a shitty Colts punt that made a short drive for a field goal quite easy; and the Colts' total failure to score touchdowns and put the game away. But then, Rex, you finally had to give in to your "Gun"slinger nature and say Fuck it, I'm throwing it downfield. Down by five points, you threw an ugly, limp dick of a pass that couldn't not be intercepted; seriously, your wide receiver, Mushin Muhammad, was actually boxed out by one of the two Colts covering him as your terrible dying quail hung there for one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi...and was subsequently returned for a touchdown. And...game over.

The Colts were clearly the better team in this sloppy, sloppy game, featuring two series of back-to-back turnovers (as in, fumble, followed up by fumble on the very next play), Cedric Benson's injury seemed to take a lot of wind out of the Bears' sails, and all the same, the Bears kept it close, in what was an entertaining game down to the end, at least if you'd bet the Bears with the +7. Billy Joel sung what I actually thought was a classy, dignified, and not that showy Star-Spangled Banner, thus covering the under (1:44, of course, being the over/under on everyone's favorite Super Bowl prop bet, except for the degenerates who actually bet the coin flip [and by the way, 5 of the last 6 Super Bowl teams to win the coin flip lost the game]), and the ads were alright, although why Super Bowl advertisements = talking animals and semi-homoerotic humor, I can't tell you. It did seem unfortunate, however, that the only ad featuring talking monkeys was the worst of an impressive crop of Budweiser/Bud Light ads, and I'm including the Carlos Mencia ads in here.

Hail, hail the Colts, and may this be the start of us hearing a little bit less about Peyton Manning, but he was not the Super Bowl MVP, not with one TD, one INT, one shaky half, and one solid half of football.

The MVP was, of course, the skinny motherfucker with the high voice. Sure, his set didn't contain many surprises on his own tracks: three from the Purple Rain OST plus five seconds of "1999", but at least "Baby, I'm A Star" was a surprise from said OST...I would have preferred "When Doves Cry" over "Let's Go Crazy," especially since "Let's Go..." was played ad nauseam in the ads for halftime. But the covers were an interesting lot, with "All Along The Watchtower" (a natural fit, more delicate than Hendrix's version with the right about of guitar God-dery thrown in) looping into...a Foo Fighters song? "The Best Of You?" Which sounded...awesome?

All this on a rain-soaked, glowing Love Symbol, with his back-up dancers somehow wiggling around in high heels. Yeah, Rex Grossman fell down twice in what were counted sacks, Muhammad nearly fell in the middle of his touchdown celebration, and Prince dancers in high heels didn't even budge from the slick ground.

Best Super Bowl halftime ever. With the In Living Color halftime show that caused channels to flip over to Fox instead of seeing the NFL's "A Winter Carnival" as a close second, the now-creepier Michael Jackson halftime show, last year's semi-emasculated Rolling Stones show, and, I suppose, the infamous wardrobe malfunction somewhere in there for sheer memorability.

If you were too busy watching Puppy Bowl III and missed the other Bowl, here's the only highlight reel you need. Now I'm going to go see if Jerome knows where my mirror at.

"Red, Red, Red" (Fiona Apple, Extraordinary Machine)

2007-02-03T23:12:00.000-06:00

Isn't the Cleveland Indians' logo bad enough without scalping poor Chief Wahoo right on the hat? I really thought things had gone forward between sports and the American Indian since the fade of the Tomahawk Chop and the retirement of Chief Nokahoma.*

*Atlanta Braves mascot. You know, as in "knock a homer"? Hilarious, ain't it?!

"Southside Superbowl" (Common & Kanye West)

2007-02-02T18:43:00.000-06:00

This is definitely the best song in preparation for a World Championship that isn't likely coming since Paul Wall's song about the Houston Astros pre-2005 World Series. Gotta love the big-ups to Oprah, Jennifer Hudson, and the 1985 Bears, as well as the lack of sheer embarrassment this song includes, unlike the ol' Shuffle. It's a nice 1:30 quickie with a hot Kanye beat that I kinda wish had ended up on Common's West-produced Be, a letdown after the hype and the enjoyable if not always successful freakiness of Electric Circus. Then again, the Shuffle is enduring, albeit not in the right ways.

By the way, if Kanye understands "how the soldiers feel" through war at Soldier Field, give the man a gun. Having viewed the above atrocity of a renovation just yards from Ma and Dad's home in the Chi, however, I will admit that it is an Iwo Jima to the eyes.

Click here for "Southside Superbowl." Look below if you somehow have never Shuffled.

(My prior prediction still stands, by the way, and I am tempted to root for the Colts just so I can stop hearing about Peyton Manning for awhile. But I love an underdog, and can't imagine what it'd be like to see Sexy Rexy have a 20-25, 300 yards, 3 TD game. So yeah, let's shuffle/hustle Bears. And go Rex Grossman, you glorious non-Jew. F*&# it, let's throw downfield.)

"Incarcerated Scarfaces" (Raekwon, Only Built 4 Cuban Linx)

2007-02-01T09:55:00.002-06:00

A Seoul survey of Korean police and jailed mobsters found that 65% of police were somewhat or very satisfied were happy with their life in law enforcement, while a whopping 79.3% of Korean mobsters reported the same level of satisfaction with their career. Yup, JAILED mobsters enjoy their work more than free cops. So, everything 2Pac, Martin Scorsese, and Scarface taught me is actually true? I'm speechless. I never thought the Infernal Affairs trilogy (as well as the American adaptation, The Departed) were meant to be interpreted this way. I guess crime indeed pays in mad ways.

Fascinating Filmography of the Day: David Kellogg

2007-02-01T00:54:00.000-06:00

Director of the mighty infamous Vanilla Ice vehicle Cool as Ice and...a buncha video Playmate calendars. And a Lionel Richie video. Oh, and Inspector Gadget...the Matthew Broderick one, that is.

Also the writer of Playboy: Farmer's Daughters.

I'm as confused as you are. I coulda sworn Gore Vidal wrote that one.

Ah, truth. The more of strange, strange you I find, the less I want to bother with fiction.

"Don't Get Sad" (Ida, Will You Find Me)

2007-01-30T12:06:00.000-06:00

So the Red Sox potential deal with the Rockies for the once-great, still lively and rather excellent defensive first baseman Todd Helton is dead, dead, dead. In the short term, this seems sucky, and since Boston fans are rabid, snarling beasts continually living for THIS YEAR, NOW, NOW, NOW!, a lot of fans are going to be annoyed that the difference between the deal's culmination, which also would have gotten rid of unpopular, violent reliever/spot starter Julian Tavarez, is going to cause a lot of guys named Casey and Sully to get the same vein in their forehead popping that I get from too much whiskey.

Calm down, Johnny Burger King. As this excellent Baseball Prospectus blog posting'll tell ya, this isn't one to get upset over. Getting a 33-year-old first baseman on the tail end of his career, with five years on an exorbitant contract even with the Rockies' assistance, is potentially wasteful enough. Giving up a top prospect, even reliever Manny Delcarmen, whose 2006 season was very up-and-down and whose upside isn't necessarily that high, just isn't worth it. And if that money is the difference between getting a big free agent in 2008 and being handcuffed into getting the next Gil Meche/ Carl Pavano/ Matt Clement, we're doing more than well by letting this one go. So even if you can't think past this year and have no chance of thinking of 2010, when this move might still hurt, think of next year. When we'll be defending a World Series championship.

"Music Is My Sanctuary" (Gary Bartz, Music Is My Sanctuary)

2007-01-29T13:01:00.000-06:00

When J. Laakso first sent me Mark Prindle's Top 73 challenge, my first thought was...No. No, no, no. I hate making top 5 lists, am happy I sold my four dollar copy of High Fidelity (the movie) yesterday for five bucks, and gave up on music criticism largely because my belief that music taste is ALL subjective within limits. (That is to say, if I like jazz-funk fusion and you don't, that doesn't mean I suck or you suck, but if you have a collection consisting of nothing but what radio told you to listen to, you do, in fact, suck.) Top 100 lists do nothing but sell shitty music magazines and start semi-interesting conversations usually involving the relative values of The Beatles against Revolver that I'm just tired of. There should be no canon of rock, pop, jazz, or any genre, except maybe classical. There shouldn't even be a Western Canon in my view, which is why I didn't apply to Columbia, but that's another issue entirely.

But then I found myself looking at one of my CD racks and thinking, well, that one Thelonious record would definitely be there...

And no matter how I try to deny it, I've gotta put Ben Folds Five's Whatever and Ever Amen in...

And these five Miles Davis records are all good for their own reasons...

And before I knew it, I had a list of 130 records.

To fit it as a Top 73 list, I arbitrarily removed The Beatles records since everyone loves them, basically, and reduced the list to one record per artist. This is still a flawed list, particularly in that I somehow forgot The Beach Boys and The Zombies' Odessey & Oracle, but when I finished this list, it was 3 a.m., and even now, I feel no need for corrections. This isn't a Top 73, anyway, which is why I refused to rank it. These are just 73 of my all-time favorites. Of the moment. No more, no less. But feel free to tell me how I've blasphemed against your false rock idols anyway.

Ooh, no Led Zeppelin either. I'd put either II or IV as my entry, if you care.

madvillain- madvillainy
miles davis- in a silent way
gang starr- moment of truth
dexter gordon- go
bobby hutcherson- montara
public enemy- it takes a nation of millions to hold us back
joni mitchell- the hissing of summer lawns
parliament- up for the down stroke
funkadelic- standing on the verge of getting it on
kool and the gang- light of worlds
krs-one- return of the boom bap
ultramagnetic mcs- critical beatdown
j dilla- donuts
organized konfusion- stress (the extinction agenda)
luna- romantica
the o'jays- back stabbers
roy ayers ubiquity- everybody loves the sunshine
talking heads- fear of music
todd rundgren- a wizard, a true star
jimi hendrix- axis: bold as love
kmd- black bastards
nas- illmatic
beastie boys- paul's boutique
a tribe called quest - midnight marauders
the roots- illadelph half life
wu-tang clan- enter the wu-tang (36 chambers)
curtis mayfield- superfly (OST)
common- like water for chocolate
de la soul- de la soul is dead
outkast- ATLiens
the delfonics- the delfonics
bob marley and the wailers- catch a fire
stevie wonder- songs in the key of life
thelonious monk- monk solo
michael jackson- off the wall
prince- purple rain (OST)
pavement- slanted and enchanted
elvis costello and the attractions- get happy!!!
sly and the family stone- there's a riot goin' on
neil young- after the gold rush
ben folds five- whatever and ever amen
ida- will you find me
james brown- live at the apollo vol. 2.
eric b. and rakim- let the rhythm hit em
the isley brothers- 3 + 3
steely dan- katy lied
war- the world is a ghetto
digital underground- sex packets
the velvet underground- loaded
fleetwood mac- fleetwood mac
tyrone davis- turn back the hands of time
otis redding- the dock of the bay
slum village- fantastic vol. 2
the pharcyde- labcabincalifornia
al green- call me
bill withers- still bill
chi-lites (for god's sake) give more power to the people
eddie kendricks- my people...hold on
dr. octagon- dr. octagoncolygst
radiohead- ok computer
U2- war
the clash- london calling
marvin gaye- here, my dear
the soft boys- underwater moonlight
tom waits- bone machine
the pixies- doolittle
the avalanches- since I left you
the cure- disintegration
the jam- all mod cons
the delfonics- the delfonics
mccoy tyner- the real mccoy
eric dolphy- out to lunch
earth wind and fire- earth wind and fire

Soda Review: Manhattan Special

2007-01-29T11:17:00.000-06:00

First of all, the name is a misnomer: Manhattan Special, the delicious espresso soda that Coca-Cola Blak only wants to be, and that no edgy stupid spelling can make it, is in fact a product of, (clears throat), BROOKLYN!!!

(Coke Blak. Jesus. Why not call it Coq Blaqqq if they wanted to go real CRAY-ZEE? Or perhaps Coke Blacc, which would have a built-in endorsement deal?)

Anyhow, this delicious product is manufactured in the middle of Italian Williamsburg, quick walking distance from the Lorimer L stop, although I don't think they give tours or give out t-shirts. (Much to the frustration of my friend Marcus...admittedly, I'd like one of those shirts too, but hey, y'know, I guess it's one of those "Never teach the Wu-Tang style!" things.)

Made of sugar (or Nutrasweet, in the decent Diet version), carbonated water, a lot of espresso, and the necessary amount of preservatives, Manhattan Special is not only delicious and nicely caffeinated, it's the perfect hangover coffee-like cure, combining the soothing carbonation of a soda with the proper recuperative power of the espresso you're not likely to be in shape to stomach. Another one of the reasons I sorta pity Manhattanites, Manhattan Special isn't widely available outside The Planet, much like the ridiculously good limited Winter edition Brooklyn Black Chocolate Stout. It even comes in a decaf version. Why? I dunno. But for you baffling people who order decaf coffee and lattes and whatever, well, there you go. Just remember that you may die a little earlier than me. Oh, the irony.

So hooray coffee, hooray Brooklyn, fuck The New Yorker. Come to think of it, time to run down to Graham Avenue and get me a two-liter right now.

Manhattan Special: A
Diet Manhattan Special: B+
Decaffeinated Manhattan Special: Why?
Brooklyn Dark Chocolate Stout: A++

"Wake Up" (Pure Essence)

2007-01-28T19:19:00.000-06:00

I think the "this song will change your life!" hyperbole has been beaten, tarred, beaten again, disemboweled, quartered, and then incinerated by the atrocity that was Garden State, even for those people who were genuinely changed by The Shins. (I know a couple, and although the band is not my cup of lukewarm tea, I respect them all the same; music is the power for me too.)

So I'm not going to say "Wake Up" by Pure Essence is going to change anyone's life but the one it has already somewhat changed: mine. Although Cameron Leader-Picone, with whose generosity this song came to my attention, probably had his hair afro-up slightly more from the deep, deep groove of this lost classic from a Cincinnati (!) ensemble. And now, it can be yours, without paying 8.90 Sterling, or even supporting my favorite record label some more. (Although you should; funk obscurists need to own The Funky 16 Corners even if it costs them their last twelve dollars. Seriously, stop reading this now and break into your local record store. GO!)

In any case, the first welcome into this funk machine blew my head to the point that I think I left half of it in the car I first heard it in, then parked in a Stop 'N' Shop parking lot, but the loss of half my head was worth it. Keep your headphones on tight so this doesn't happen to you.

But dig it, dig it, dig it right here.

And learn more about them here, which will allow you to hear their "Third Rock," a song that changed my life slightly twice, first unbeknown to me as the base sample of RJD2's "Clean Living," secondly on its own.

Goddamn, I love discovering music. The people I sold Prince 45s to today on Bedford Ave. will feel the same way when they hear b-side "17 Days" for the first time, I hope.

"Internationally Known" (Count Bass D, Act Your Waist Side)

2007-01-24T18:20:00.000-06:00

Well, no, I'm not, but the upcoming Manhattan Rep production of a new Josh Drimmer joint for you, titled For You in fact, now has its info up on the Internets.

(Question: has the "Internets" joke jumped the shark?)
(Ancillary question: has the phrase "jumped the shark" jumped the shark? Any thoughts as to what we could replace it with? Perhaps, "gone Gallagher?")

Um, yeah, whatever. So the show info is all right here, and my Google rating grows, this time not from one of those weird sites that has somehow taken my review of The Foreign Connection's Connected and put it alongside a bunch of foreign market shit.

Seats are craaazy limited, so moving quickly on this is recommendable. And yeah, the tix are more expensive than I'd like, especially since I'm not getting one red nickel out of it, but would you rather see one good play, or two screenings of The Hitcher. Thought so. But you're gonna regret your decision to see that movie twice. Mark my words.

Oh, the Count Bass D song I titled this post after is amazing.

Get it right here.

NBA MVP Steve Nash needs to relax.

2007-01-24T11:43:00.000-06:00

Today:

Tomorrow?

"Blowin' Up The Spot" (Gang Starr, Hard To Earn)

2007-01-22T14:26:00.001-06:00

New Haven Coliseum: 1972-2007. R.I.P.

Farewell, you brave Knights of New England, you deadly Ninjas of New Haven, you kings of minor-minor league sports. Goodbye, you circuses and Harlem Globetrotters games I went to went I was but a wee suburban lad. Good night, sweet, Brutalist prince.

Urban Renewal: mid-1950s-????. R.I.P.

(Wiping a single tear from his eye.)
(Thanks to J. Laakso for the video link.)

"Is It Because I'm Black?" (Syl Johnson)

2007-01-22T12:59:00.000-06:00

Headline on ESPN.com:

"Lovie Smith and Tony Dungy are making history because of their skin color."

Well, yes. But perhaps more so by being the first two black head coaches in the Super Bowl than for merely having skin color? I make history every day, but it isn't so much because I'm white as because I'm the only white man not named DJ Shadow or Peanut Butter Wolf to own two Lord Finesserecords. There is a difference. Well, sorta.

Come to think of it, semantics like this are dangerous: there's a bad Scoop Jackson column waiting to happen here. But "bad Scoop Johnson column" is redundant anyway.

To add my inaccurate Super Bowl XLI pick to the mix, I'm going Colts 34, Bears 20. Subject to change when Rex Grossman is intercepted a Super Bowl record five times, or just solicits an undercover cop for sex. Forget it Rex, it's Miami.

Then again, if there's any team to say "Fuck it, I'm throwing downfield" against, it's the Colts. So bet the over, if your mama didn't teach you not to be a city gamblin' man.

"Somethin' Else" (Cannonball Adderley, Somethin' Else)

2007-01-18T15:08:00.000-06:00

Haven't much been in a productive rhythm, so a several mini-posts-in-one type thang.

ITEM! Kwame Brown of the Los Angeles Lakers is the first #1 NBA Draft pick to steal a cake! (Allegedly.)

ITEM! John Harris of the Guardian wrote this on the death of James Brown. As a defender of the sheer awesomeness of the pre-"Celebration" Kool and the Gang, I couldn't disagree more with his opinion (synopsis: funk not only sucks, but is downright evil, James Brown is responsible for the whole genre, damn him). But there's something to be said for reading something shockingly different from your own opinion when it's well-written. Thanks to Sam Frank for this.

ITEM! The old Milwaukee Brewers logo is one of the greatest of post-expansion Major League Baseball. Designed by Tom Meindel, an Art History student at the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, the logo is downright esoteric. I don't think I even noticed the lower-case m and b that forms the glove until about two years after they'd discontinued the logo for a really stupid Notre Dame-inspired redesign. If it were up to me, I would have at least created a new mascot more befitting the team name. But then again, Simpsons-inspired teams aren't anything new now. And now I'll cease being a half-assed Uni Watch.

ITEM! No Mas, who make pretty fantastic shirts (I think I want one of the BALCO ones) and have a great blog, did a fantastic interview with Chocolate Thunder aka Darryl Dawkins aka Chairman of Interplanetary Funkmanship of the planet Lovetron. Just trust me and read this.

No Context Necessary #3*

2007-01-12T12:32:00.000-06:00

*Well, okay, if you're a sports fan but have been under a rock the past few days, I'll give ya some context. If the name Victor Conte means nothing to you, however, ignorance sure is bliss.

Such Unlikely Covers

2007-01-09T09:30:00.000-06:00

Sending a couple songs to my sister and Peter Lewis, fellow comrade-in-arms of my trivia night team Breasty McGee at Rocky Sullivan's, I realized both songs were really interesting cover songs, the sort of songs bands/artists should do more often in concert. (Emphasis on interesting.) So I present them both to youse alls.

David Byrne- I Wanna Dance With Somebody

Former Talking Heads frontman does Whitney Houston. Well, not literally. But hey would have interesting children I'll admit, nervous kids with amazing vocal ranges and drug problems continually dressed in oversized clothing.

Elvis Costello & The Attractions- Pop Life

Particularly notable Prince cover by Elvis in the song selection; "Pop Life" is my favorite Prince single ever, but this downbeat track, from the neglected Purple Rain follow-up Around The World In A Day is unknown to casual fans of the Purple One. "Dig it" has never sound quite so unfunky. But that's sort of the point of a good cover: turn someone else's song into your own. So yes, I do indeed dig it.

"Flyin' High (In The Friendly Skies)" (Marvin Gaye, What's Going On)

2007-01-08T21:13:00.000-06:00

Strangely, the flight back from London, generally the one that's supposed to really destroy you as far as jetlag is concerned, has set my weird sleep schedule right: there is something to be said for staying up really late on your body clock, then waking in the late afternoon of said clock, in time for work on the real one. Staying up also allows you to watch a lot of movies on a Transatlantic flight. Which is a mixed blessing.

Three movie reviews in haiku:

Gridiron Gang

Take The Longest Yard.
Make it after-school special.
Xzibit can't act.

Accepted

Wanted to like this.
Sought dumb, but this is too much.
Justin Long's, like, thirty.

The Longest Yard (1974)

Burt Reynolds: fuck yeah.
Adam Sandler: dear God, no.
Hey, remake failed movies!

No Context Necessary #2

2007-01-04T05:55:00.000-06:00

"Idiot Wind" (Bob Dylan, Blood On The Tracks)

2007-01-03T05:37:00.000-06:00

Two candidates for MLB quote of the year. If you want to see the whole thing, check it out at Baseball Prospectus. There's comedy even for those who care nothing of baseball.

"When they give you lemons, you've got to make lemonade, and when they give you oranges, you've got to make orange juice. Tonight, we tried to make tomato juice out of lemon juice or something. It just didn't work out. I don't know if that's a good quote." --Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez, on trying to do too much with the pitches the Yankees saw against the Angels.

"The swing has been there. If there wasn't nine guys out in the field, I'd have a hit every time except when I strike out."--Devil Rays outfielder Delmon Young

(Which reminds me of poker pro Phil Hellmuth, the guy I think of every time I start bitching about someone's bad play to stop myself, and this gem: "If it wasn't for luck, I'd win every hand." Additionally, I would be the greatest playwright ever if it wasn't for Shakespeare, Sam Shepard, David Mamet, Tennessee Williams, Paula Vogel, Hendrik Ibsen, Maria Irene Forbes, Anton Chekhov...)

"Happiness Is A Warm Gun" (The Beatles, The Beatles)

2007-01-01T13:33:00.000-06:00

(Note: Please disregard the actual nature of the song in my title. I don't have those kind of feelings for Daisuke Matsuzaka. But all the same, seeing him in a Sox jersey for the first time, well, as I once said at baseball camp after breaking a slump with a scorching double, "Man, that was a baseballgasm!")

Happy New Year, y'all. I'll be back on the 8th.

Fun fact of the day.

2006-12-11T19:56:00.001-06:00

Did you know that Francis Ford Coppola wrote and directed Captain EO, once the best thing at the EPCOT Center? And is that more or less surprising than that he directed this? And are either of those truly lesser cinema than this?

The Sample and the Source vol. 2

2006-12-08T10:42:00.000-06:00

Dear Cameron Leader-Picone,

As per our bet last night, I was right about the connection between these two songs. You were wrong in implicating the Yellow Magic Orchestra had anything to do with this shit. I look forward to a six-pack you will pay for. Which is at least some sort of payback for the constant bleeding eardrums I seem to have received from listening to even five seconds of ABBA. Now let us never speak of this again.

Yours in whupping that ass,
Josh

"For You" (Bilal, First Born 2nd)

2006-12-07T11:51:00.000-06:00

Believe it or not, while I'm not posting excessive YouTube clips, obsessively checking Red Sox rumors, and committing petty thievery, I do, in fact, write plays. Yeah, EMWI's description isn't a complete lie. (The Patriot thing depends on your definition of that term, although I'm not really putting that down ironically either.)

And I found out today that my third full-length, For You, is going to be my second produced play, as part of the Manhattan Repertory Theatre's WinterFest. We've got three shows in a theater with, gasp, an actual working lightboard, February 7th, 8th, and 9th, otherwise known as that time of year when you'll have absolutely nothing better to do other than freezing your asses off. (And at the rate this "winter" is coming in, there'll be nothing but cold, cold February rain.) So yeah, that's the news. I'm too busy in a celebratory dance to "Rydeen" for the rest of the day to post anything more today.

"Small Axe" (Bob Marley and the Wailers, African Herbsman)

2006-12-06T14:30:00.000-06:00

I love haikux. So small, so potentially sharp if you avoid bad Zen bullshit poetry. Then again, there's so much potential in the intentionally bad forms of 5-7-5.

So here's a few I spun up in seven minutes at Cafe Grumpy. (Home of the greatest espresso and cappuccino in the city, by the way.)

"For That Guy On Full Tilt Who Called With A 5-3 And Got A Lucky Gutshot"

Time passes slowly
Waiting, making little cash.
You are a douchebag.

"Yeungling"

Village Bar: Five bucks.
Corner Store: Buck twenty-five.
Right. I'll drink at home.

"Wild Irish Rose"

Comes now with ginseng.
Why? Buck-tooth lady passed out.
Wino, you don't learn.

"How To Ball On A Budget"

Comb thrift stores with care.
Eat two dollar Western plates.
Petty thievery.

"Daydreaming" (Kurtis Blow)

2006-12-06T14:08:00.000-06:00

The Boston Media seems to have changed its tone entirely: now the J.D. Drew deal is a sign Manny Ramirez is to stay? I'll believe it when it manages to stick--could just as easily be a part of a ploy to get teams to up their antes on acquiring the future Hall Of Famer--but I'm getting more optimistic. Keep Manny indeed.

"A Dream Goes On Forever" (Todd Rundgren, Todd)

2006-12-05T22:53:00.000-06:00

This line-up isn't sticking. We're trading the middle of it, and the SS will probably suck at defense. But let me imagine that the Boston Red Sox'll have this lineup intact, and Daisuke Matsuzaka at a reasonable price, and that the Yankees' pitching staff will suck as badly as it does now. Let me dream.

"He's A Friend" (Eddie Kendricks, He's A Friend)

2006-12-04T11:58:00.000-06:00

The cover above, funny story, was actually nearly pulled by Motown for being a little too homoerotic for the execs. A tight handshake was too homoerotic! And the song "He's A Friend," which is attached below in the 12" form, was about Jesus! (Definitely one of my favorite songs about one of the many forms of God I don't believe in, by the way, up there with "Help Is On The Way" by the Whatnauts.)

Then again, one of the most masculine forms of giving dap, the high five, was invented by Glenn Burke, a former Oakland A who later came out. So, yes, men everywhere, you're all gay. Better stick to the wiggle non-touch handshake from Demolition Man.

Berry Gordy made a lot of near awful decisions in the late 1960s-70s though. One of which was nearly not releasing THIS record, believe it or not.

And then there were the 1980s, which brought you brilliant bad cinema, crack cocaine, and the near death of actual instruments. Sho nuff.

Eddie Kendricks- He's A Friend (long version)
The Whatnauts- Help Is On The Way

"It's After The End Of The World" (Sun Ra, Space Is The Place Original Soundtrack)

2006-11-30T08:55:00.000-06:00

Today's high in New York City: 69 degrees. One day from December. Radio was talking about another record high. Now, I have no particular feelings about the grandchildren I may never have, but...

Quoth Okkervil River, well,"We're fucked,...we're fucked...we're fucked."

But there's always a chance. Just a little.

"Ego Trippin'" (Ultramagnetic MCs, Critical Beatdown)

2006-11-29T08:39:00.000-06:00

I meant to post this sketch without a home when Gary Sheffield was traded to the Dee-troit! Tigers (I don't get a good feeling about this one, Dombrowski, genius though you are). It's based off ridiculous quotes I can't find anymore and is two years old. But I'm lazy today; enjoy.

TIM MCCARVER
Gary Sheffield has a pair of the fastest hands in the game. So fast, in fact, that Gary says when he watches film of himself, he’s surprised himself.

GARY SHEFFIELD
When I watch the game films of my at-bats, y’know, and I see how fast I get my hands through the zone, y’know, it’s surprising, yeah. I mean, they whip through the zone. I’m not thinking about how fast my hands move when I’m at the plate, I’m just trying to hit the pitch. But my hands, y’know, they just move so…elegantly. Like two little ballerinas attached to my wrists. Like two cheetahs grafted to my elbows.
And then, when I watch my homeruns, y’know, on the game films, well, I don’t really get to admire my homeruns in the game. I’m just trying to not disrespect the sanctity of the game, just round the bases and let the crowd let me hear it. But the motion of those moon shots, y’know, it’s like watching the Eagle land. It’s like watching the World Trade Center towers fall…but, y’know, good. Those 450-foot shots are as much a part of American history as any shot in World War II. But I’m not aware of that, except, y’know, when I watch the film.
And sometimes I just look at myself in the mirror, and y’know, I don’t get to look at myself as much as, say, my wife, or the fans, or those who watch me on TV. I unfortunately have this condition that makes it impossible for me to, like, turn my eyeballs back upon myself and, like, admire my own countenance? But then, sometimes, I’m lucky enough to see my own image reflected, in a mirror or a similar reflecting surface. And, man, I really am a handsome man. My face could be as timeless as Cary Grant’s, really. Y’know, most of the time, I’m just going about my business, not thinking about the fact that every woman I pass is getting incredibly moist at just a quick glance at me. So, yeah, of course, that’s a surprise. Every day is a pleasant surprise. I love being me. I never know what new greatness I’ll find out about myself tomorrow. Me: it’s the best.

MCCARVER
Smarter men than me would have nothing to say either. Harry Carey, even. This…was Tim McCarver.

"John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt" (Traditional)

2006-11-27T17:02:00.000-06:00

As a playwright and lover of odd names, the detail I noticed in this little bit of news off imdb might not have been the one that really stood out to most people:

Transgender Character To Be Introduced On 'All My Children'

Beginning on Thursday, ABC's All My Children will feature a transgender character named Zarf who is planning a sex-change operation. The Associated Press reports that although there have been a handful of post-surgical transgender characters who have appeared on TV shows, this is a first for a daytime drama.

Zarf? Let's just say this is not on the hot list of names I'm spinning up for my nephew-to-be. Rasputin, on the other hand, is #45 and climbing. This child will live forever and rule the world. Or at the very least, he'll get a hot disco track in his name.

...ohhhh those Russians. And yes, through Mom and Dad, I do in fact own this record. Ohhhh that Frank Farian. (R.I.P. Milli. Or Vanilli. Whatever.)

"Unbelievable" (The Notorious B.I.G., Ready To Die)

2006-11-23T00:01:00.000-06:00

Thanks to Ryan McCormack, my ol' ASF partner in petty crime, for this. Or no thanks. I don't know if I'm richer or poorer for having seen this, really.

"All U Can Eat" (Fat Boys)

2006-11-22T11:02:00.000-06:00

Matthew Schneider-Mayerson, Knicks fan extraordinaire, sent me this picture of plump center Eddy Curry the other day.

Which in turn, made him think of this old board game. But more than anything, it made me think of the NES Punch-Out!!, and the obese character who was basically substituting for another obese character from an arcade game.

We report, you decide, I'm going to Barcade tonight. Or perhaps just chilling at home with NEScafe for a bit.

Oh, and as far as the Fat Boys are concerned, they made it into one of my favoritest pieces ever, a Top 10 Hip-Hop Gimmicks piece written for Stylus Magazine. I miss Das EFX.

"Falling" (Dudley Perkins, A Lil Light)

2006-11-21T21:47:00.000-06:00

I've already posted this Rolling Stone review of my obsession du jour, Joanna Newsom's Ys, but I think the comments are growing more and more worthwhile as a discussion of the irrelevance of this once-worthwhile publication. And there needn't even be excellence in the rock criticism world to make this wack shit irrelevant; people who don't even like the record are taking offense. AND the comments are better written than the review! Check-check it. And don't b-b-buy the magazine, b-b-baby.

happiness comes in small pieces

2006-11-20T12:24:00.000-06:00

This does it for me. New Haven Ninjas forever.

EDIT: Image link went down, killing the point of this post. But it is here if ya click. Maybe I'll tell a Ninja tale later, especially if you ask Grandpa Josh pretty pretty please.

Movie Binge #4,081 (11/17/06)

2006-11-20T11:03:00.000-06:00

It'd been awhile since I attempted an AMC Empire movie binge, and I just felt like blowing a Friday night seeing whatever.

For those who don't know, the AMC Empire, a 25-screen theater in Times Square, is the ultimate in reduced-cost movie-going. The proper method is seeing something that's on the Top of the Empire (where actual quality, indieish flicks are) and working your way downward on whims, trying not to be too picky about how much of a flick you see, or what it is. Act like you need to use the bathroom every floor you go to, go into 'em, dart out. Do NOT go into the main foyers where the concessions are. And, of course, wait for the movies to change over a bit unless you're truly obsessive and love seeing movies five or six times. (Advanced: use a newspaper to try to get some sense of when a movie might be beginning. If something is playing on one screen and you spot it, bullseye.)

I didn't properly prepare for this one by not eating dinner beforehand and failing to start from the top, but here's how it went. And oh yes, there will be spoilers. (Eh, not really.)

Borat

Man, did I want to like this movie more than I did. There were some utterly ridiculous sequences, especially the homoerotic shit, and it was great to see just how antisocial New York is. But waaay too much of the good stuff was in the trailers, the fictional stuff they used to string together the improvisational stuff was mainly tedious, excepting the Kazakhstan stuff. (The Pamela Anderson bit would have been a lot more fun if it wasn't as obviously staged as it was, too.) Plus, where was "Throw The Jew Down The Well"? Without a roaring audience to cue me, this grade would definitely be lower.

Grade: B-
[Grade rated off expectations: C]

Let's Go To Prison

Look, it was starting just around the corner from Borat (see: Do not be picky), and I didn't expect to watch the whole thing. And that's the strangest thing of all...I actually...watched the whole thing. Which says something unto itself. I can see why it didn't get screened for critics; prison = not funny. But just to have some game performers (Chi McBride goes all out, man) saves this to some extent.

All the same, as screenwriters, the former members of The State who wrote this, Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant and Michael Patrick Jann must die.

(Imagine this in a trailer: "From the people who brought you Herbie: Fully Loaded,, Taxi, and The Pacifier...! Better yet, don't. And curb yer enthusiasm for the upcoming Reno 911! movie while you're at it.)

Grade: D
[Grade rated off expectations: B-/C+]

Casino Royale

Fuck yeah. The James Bond people never really dealt with, the actual James Bond, the misanthropic, alcoholic, cold, cruel, womanizing Bond is in full effect. The script is way too tangled for its own good (Fleming's fault, but I'm arbitrarily going to blame Paul Haggis for what I'mma discuss next), but Daniel Craig continues a run of badassocity first notable in Layer Cake, and so much of what got tedious has been clipped. It's basically Bond Begins, and plays nicely off all your expectations of a Bond movie. Best line of this:

BARTENDER
Do you want that martini shaken or stirred?

BOND
Do I look like I give a damn?

This movie isn't as good as I'm rating it. The restarting of the series is what I'm psyched for.

Grade: A-/B+

...
...
Still, I'd be remiss as a card player in not talking about how inane the poker is in this movie. And I'm a sucker for cards in a movie. Two hands come to mind.

Four Jacks v. Aces full of Kings

Straight flush v. Aces full of sixes v. aces full of [I can't remember, something lower] v. flush. (Four-handed, somehow, to the river.)

Four handed to the river would be ridiculous enough. What's worse is, in both these hands, the players involved are berated for being in situations where losing your money is just inevitable, and for all talk of Bond being able to read players, this shit is nothing but pure (good and bad) luck. Sorta like the opening of Rounders, a full house versus a bigger full house.

Sure, the ending of The Cincinnati Kid, my favorite poker movie, is absolutely ridiculous. But all the same, when you've got a villain you're claiming is a math whiz, putting this many 0.00000000000001% hands in one poker game is bananas and walnuts.

Now it's time to play dumb Full Tilt freerolls. Unless anyone wants to stake me. Please?

"Big Pimpin'" (Jay-Z, Vol. 3: Life and Times of S. Carter)

2006-11-10T08:39:00.000-06:00

Rest in peace, Ed Bradley. Video of some of his best reporting here. Check the Fall of Saigon clip: not only great reporting, but...well, let's just say I wish I lived in the 70s.

No context here.

2006-11-08T21:26:00.000-06:00

rejected metal band names.

2006-11-07T10:19:00.000-06:00

In the spirit of yesterday's recycled post...

Tableau of Terror
Skullhead
Fist Full Of Blood and Rock As Well
Mutley Crue
Death Comedy Jam
Creeping Death
Creepy Neighbor
Jeeperscreepers
Army of Rockness
Goat Head Soup Nazis
Hectares of Hate (European band, of course)
And You Will Notice Our Trail Of Fat Groupies Please Stop Them From Getting Backstage
I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness*
Blood Drive
Bonestorm+
Playg#
Metallurgica

(Thanks to Jonah for contributions/helping spin these up.)

*Actual band name. They're not bad either.
+Is that second slang meaning for Bonestorm real?
#Because they PLAY music and rock you! Like a plague! Get it?!

A Few Days Later: Ys by Joanna Newsom

2006-11-06T15:20:00.000-06:00

(See previous one-minute review for context of this.)

A few days later, I'm still deciphering Newsom's lyrics, but as far as the record is concerned, this shit is brilliant. Indescribable as this set of suites is (and deep as I am into a new draft of an old script), I won't go beyond that. But it's out today: you still might want to sample "Emily" or one of the other tracks online (live performances are also up on YouTube) before you pick this up because people will be beyond divided on this. My prognosis though, is simply this: it might not be genius, but there is genius in this record, and there ain't much of that to go around.

and now, your clinton attache clip of the day: "I Want You Back" (Jackson 5, Diana Ross Presents The Jackson 5)

2006-11-06T10:19:00.000-06:00

From the high school that brought you "Hollywood Swingin'" with the Hollywood but not the swingin' comes "I Want You Back" in a really strange low register. To my credit, even in the lamest high school musicals in the lamest roles, I never had to wear anything as silly as those jackets, and even those aren't really as silly as the shiny backgrounds. The professionalism of Clinton Attache is what really kills me.

No, wait. Clinton Attache doing anything R&B is what kills me. I'd kill to hear them do Parliament.

"Hollywood Swinging" (Kool And The Gang)

2006-11-03T16:26:00.000-06:00

Okay, admittedly I would have really dug singing old Kool and the Gang* in my high school choir, but this is bananas. And walnuts. This is about as funky as a clean batch of whites fresh from the cleaners. That is to say, not very. Dude singing "I went to a theater" in a ridiculous "dramatic" whisper reminds me of a kid at my high school who got all the lead parts in the high school musicals; on my grave, I may very well regret not kicking that kid's annoying ass as much as anything I actually did do in my life. They're all just trying so, so hard. And there's nothing easier to make fun of than trying...stuff.

*Reminder: "Kool and the Gang" on this blog is not the same group of the same group that reappeared with an actual lead singer and a shitty new sound in the 1980s. A group that was about as funky as this video. Which is, again, not very.

"Bust A Move" (Young MC)

2006-11-02T11:11:00.000-06:00

In-depth research I discovered. This took dedication.

"All Things Must Pass" (George Harrison, All Things Must Pass)

2006-11-02T08:30:00.000-06:00

Just wanted to inform all that the Isthmus, an old SNR blog, is going off-line tomorrow. There's a few funny things in there. Check it out before it can't be checked.

most insignificant post ever.

2006-11-01T14:51:00.000-06:00

Just wanted to note that Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban looks like the devil in this picture. We report, you decide.

One-minute, one listen review: Ys by Joanna Newsom

2006-10-31T13:58:00.000-06:00

One LP, five songs, fifty five minutes. What is this, a jazz record? (No, then it would be Mingus by Joni Mitchell, although parts of this remind me of Joni's more experimental long works.) It's daring, alright, especially for an artist already known for a warbling weird voice some find irritating who plays harp for indie rock kids. The production is higher (string arrangements, which are all pretty nice, by Van Dyke Parks, best known to most for writing the Smile lyrics...that hints at the aspirations of the record, don't it?). The songs go as deep as 16 minutes, and after one listen, I've got no real idea what they're about, although the lyrics sound impeccable. The songs are also hard to hear structure in; these aren't exactly several songs in one, more like pocket suites.

A lot of people will call it pretentious; it is, but so is anything that aspires to capital-g Greatness, so pretentious unto itself is not a bad word: pretentious for the sake of pretentious is the dangerous thing.

With the shortest song being 7:17 ("Cosmia," surprisingly placed as the last song, the very slot you might expect a 25:14 song to appear), this isn't a record you can just dabble around in, and I don't think they're gonna find a real single here.

There are chords and moments in here that just go Ping! with me. You know, that feeling where you hear a certain set of notes that just make you melt through your headphones and puts a massive smile on your face or a tear on the edge of your eye, scaring the other subway passengers either way. Other than that, I can't say if this is daring and amazing or daring and amazing to me for the moment for being daring; in the latter, the magic will wear off pretty quickly. Maybe in a few days I'll give this a re-review. I can say for certain that the Rolling Stone review is full of shit, but so is the continuing existence of the magazine, so what else is new.

Apropos of nothing, there's a new Madvillain video for "Monkey Suite." I like it; reminds me of a cross between The Nightmare Before Christmas and that one Tool video:

"Easy Street" (Thelonious Monk, Underground)

2006-10-30T10:40:00.000-06:00

This featured beer at this weekend's Brewtopia festival wasn't something I encountered in the midst of a drunken ramble through it, but it sounds good. Wonder if the beer actually tastes like the music of Thelonious Sphere Monk: "Smooth, but with an occasional dissonant, jarring DAH-DAH flavor." I'm not even sure Thelonious drank beer--seems too far from being a normal guy to really like liquid bread--but beer made after other jazz artists could work. Like Billie Holliday Bock, a bittersweet flavor so delicious, it makes you want to die.

Or Miles Davis' Time After Time Lager. The only beer as awful as his 1980-1991 output. Well, the only beer except this one.

quick world series thoughts

2006-10-28T01:38:00.000-05:00

1) tony la russa is not a genius.

2) david eckstein had the two luckiest doubles imaginable in game 4, one a wet center field seeking one poor centerfielder to the ground, the other an okay line drive out turned double by a left fielder playing way too shallow. but he's short(er than me!) and thus scrappy and thus...well, he got his hits.

3) the detroit tigers were the team of this year, but they were the bipolar team of this year. the good tigers dominated most of the season; the bad ones fell off most of august-september, especially as they were swept by the royals and found a way to lose their division. the good tigers destroyed the american league in the playoffs; the bad tigers had too much rest and played some very sloppy baseball and somehow had their pitchers commit a lot of errors, like pitchers need to field, and lost in five games to an 83-win team of "destiny" (term reserved for those teams that always run into other teams as those teams beat themselves). they shoulda won this goddamn series (bad?), but they were a young team no one expected to see here(good?).

4) for the record, I'm not a tigers fan. I'm a baseball fan. when a team as bad as the 2006 st. louis cardinals wins, everyone loses, people. that, and yankee fans start telling me the most ridiculous shit.

5) tony la russa is not a genius. he wears sunglasses at night, on national tv.

6) during the glorious coronation known as the 2004 world series, while this same tony la russa wore the same creepy sunglasses, my mom, not a baseball fan by any definition, said la russa looked like a pedofile. I couldn't top that if I tried.

Halloween= Class

2006-10-27T11:48:00.000-05:00

Via Bill Simmons' link, the Tara Reid costume in all its malfunctioned glory. They don't look like female breasts to me though. They kind of look more like Super Macho Man breasteses:

"Computer Love" (Zapp, The New Zapp IV U)

2006-10-27T09:27:00.000-05:00

Fridays are for vocoder. Well, this one is. Because I said so, that's why. Some live talkbox jams:

Yellow Magic Orchestra- Behind The Mask (Live)

Probably my last posting of them for a while, I swear. Dig the color effects added in. Are those real drums or drum pads? I'm still not sure.

Zapp- Computer Love (Live)

Zapp was underrated; even the way the band of two brothers ended (murder-suicide) is unfairly in the shadow of that Marvin Gaye Jr. and Marvin Gaye Sr. thing. Is that tube a comfortable fit? Has a talk boxer ever accidentally have one imbedded in their throat for life? Wouldn't that be awesome?

TALK BOX'S WIFE: Are we out of toothpaste?
TALK BOX: Yeeeesssss! Weeeearre...yeeeeeah. Baby!
TALK BOX'S WIFE: Don't call me baby.

No one said computer love would be easy.

Neil Young- Transformer Man (Live)

Part of the infamous Neil Young period that led Geffen to drop him from his project for not making the product they signed him to create, namely, "Neil Young records." I still don't really like this song or Trans, but I still wish more really well-known artists did vocoder records, perhaps during a particular early-80s period, with the same force disco had upon Kiss, The Rolling Stones, etc. Five artists I'd have liked to hear on vocoder, for better AND worse.

Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five- Scorpio (third-party video)

The song's simply the jam. The video's just fun, especially with that robot/Moonite in the background. Get down.

and the streets will flow with wine and cheese.

2006-10-26T11:32:00.000-05:00

Enough people have told me to get out of Williamsburg, BKLYN (even though I live north of it in Greenpoint) that a lot of it rolls off me, but I know the end is nigh; my only argument is that this "end" is the same end New York is generally on the way towards every time another shiny hideous condo building goes up. You know, like this one

or if the New Jersey Nets get their way as the Brooklyn Nets, this one.

Every area has its new new ugliness, although in Brooklyn they tend to stick out a bit more amongst far smaller buildings. You ever seen Batteries Not Included? Remember that tiny, tiny building between two skyscrapers at the end? It's an exaggeration, not a falsehood.

The people these buildings bring into my neighborhoods aren't all bad people, but they are slowly pushing my friends into Bushwick, or Chicago, or their parents' house. (Actually, the last one is more his fault than escalating rents.) Regional character nationwide's been going swiftly downhill ever since John Steinbeck first complained about the coming of franchising in Travels With Charley. New York still has its neighborhoods, but if unsustainable trends continue, more and more of it'll look like the same neighborhood. That and the young professional set bring their shitty rock bands (their "passion") into the clubs around here, and we have enough bad indie rock here.

AND they're taking my cheese.

I've only been here three years, so yes, I'm technically part of the problem, but I've moved from one tiny room in a three bedroom aluminum-sided three-story to a two-bedroom in an old brick facade joint, so I'm not attached to the new mutation.

The Upper East Side needs more corporate finance rock bands anyway.

(Gowanus Lounge post that inspired this tirade. Thanks to Jim for sending it.)

most awesome album cover ever?

2006-10-25T10:55:00.000-05:00

not really, since I vote for this, but there's something so off-center about the cover new Joanna Newsom it's irresistible; the record's also all of five long songs including strings arranged by Van Dyke Parks, so the cover's definitely not the craziest thing about the record, but the painting style is like a late Joni Mitchell cover, and the renaissance faire look is in full effect. I'm reminded of the story my friend told once of making out with a girl who played the Jester's Daughter in a faire, someone he'd met right there.

that's pretty much the whole story.

anyone who has heard Ys, through the Pitchfork leak or whatever, feel free to drop a comment; I'm probably going to find it later today, but I have yet to listen to any of it, and I'm curious, especially since I'm hearing wildly mixed opinions.

"The Message" (Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, 12")

2006-10-25T10:43:00.000-05:00

I mistakenly chose to take option B to work and ended up taking three trains all equally packed with angry New Yorkers; I forgot not to tangle with any route that crosses near Park Slope, an area of Brooklyn as densely populated as mine with richer, more complaint-prone residents, and just as underserved by the trains as most of the newly populous Brooklyn. Beats the two-fare run I had last weekend going to a gig as a poker dealer, riding to the end of the subway line and taking a bus plus a second bus after I missed my stop on the first.

At least no punk-ass kids were blasting vapid commercial hip-hop from their cell phones, the newly portable form of 80s-style boomboxing, only without the style and the Run-D.M.C., or the sound quality. Another New York thing to be falsely nostalgic for.

On the transfer from the G to the V, the back of my feet got stepped on like three times.

They didn't have any eggs at the lazy-ass cafe around the corner of Driggs. Across the way near the park, they did have that one drunk Polish guy, maybe around 75, maybe just self-aged, who usually sits on the ground mumbling with his shirt off. It's in the 40s today, but his shirt was still off. I'd like some of what he's drinking.

Last night, I had three drinks in a bar and spent $20 on 'em. They were all Yeunglings.

Something about this morning has me thinking of moving.

"Rydeen" (Yellow Magic Orchestra)

2006-10-16T20:38:00.000-05:00

Several of my friends have already been indoctrinated into the Yellow Magic Orchestra, but still not enough, still not enough. Feel the sheer force of the Japanese Kraftwerk and the greatest music video ever. Don't stand too close to your monitors, your face may melt off from overexposure to the awesomeness.

ho-oh-ly shit.

2006-10-10T22:11:00.000-05:00

baseball fans, if you have yet to see the gyroball in action, you have yet to see baseball. well, baseball simulator 1000, in any case, in the ultra league setting. coming in 2009: the ball that explodes on contact with the bat. watch your back, Ichiro.

Hey, have you heard of this thing, um, YouTube?

2006-09-29T13:31:00.000-05:00

Some videos I've been enjoying this week. Unfortunately, I gotta do it link style because YouTube isn't letting me blog imbed it, so click the names to get there:

PM Dawn- "Set Adrift On Memory Bliss"

I hated this song when it first came out, since I was "hardcore" then...I even applauded KRS-One senselessly giving the fat guy a beatdown, live on stage, as senseless as it is to beat up a rapper who actually samples Spandau Ballet.

Now though? I dunno. It's sincere. It's a "soft" song that isn't "Candy Shop." Maybe it's because hip-hop sucks in 2006, but I like this. And the choice of dress is even funnier now than before. Check out all those beads.

"Christina Applegate, you gotta put me on"?

Patrice Rushen- "Forget Me Nots"

Because I have clapped, tapped buttons, and otherwise moved with the beat of many a song while wearing headphones, especially this one. (I also whistle tunes stuck in my head and sneak up behind people on the train saying "You smell goooooood.")

As far as samples of this song go, by the way, seek out "Gimme The Ass" by The Beatnuts...it's crass shit over "a joint you familiar with," the polar opposite of the better known samplage, "Men In Black."

Damn, Patrice had a lot of beads. She kinda looks at the camera in a way less Come hither and more Don't put that camera so close to my face.

De La Soul- "Ring Ring Ring" (Unplugged)

One of my favorite De La songs, one of the first efforts to rework hip-hop live since the old school (Sugar Hill band, whoever was backing Kurtis Blow etc.), one of the finest Unpluggeds ever. Yeah, Eric Clapton sucked the life out of his overrated songs on his Unplugged, but there were some good ones, and the Jay-Z Unplugged started my reevaluation of Jigga. I miss that time when the M in MTV stood for...well, what did it stand for again?

The freestyling over "Buddy" kinda sucks here, reminding us why DJ PA Mase was only a rapper for one album. But he had personality.

Leprechaun In The Hood, In The Tree

(and AFTER you see that...)

"Where Da Gold At??"

Watch the first, watch the second, thank me later. I hate eBaum's World and hope YouTube kills it for good (see this week's Wired if you're geeky enough to care about all this...I didn't, but someone hooked me up with a free subscription for reasons unknown), but they stole nicely here.

Plus, this all reminds me of my favorite horror film ever....and my second favorite horror film ever.

(That bit of breakdancing Mr. T is great too.)

"Joy And Pain" (Rob Base & DJ E-Z-Rock)

2006-09-28T11:54:00.000-05:00

Another watershed moment in hip-hop. Make sure to stick around until the parts about witches updating Ryan Adams' website, as well as Anna Faris, Kevin Bacon, and Kevin Costner. The really disturbing thing about this is, I sorta like the beat. It sampled the same James Brown horn kicks "South Bronx" did, yo.

The Rock Variations

2006-09-28T03:07:00.000-05:00

The Rock, still Lil' Dwayne Johnson, several years ago:
"Do you smell what The Rock left in his diaper, mommy?! You better change it quick or I'm going to lay the smackdown with this rattle!!"

The Rock, professional wrestler, WWF Champion:
"Do you smell what The Rock is cooking?!"

The Rock, star of Gridiron Gang:
"Do you smell what The Rock is coaching?!"

and in Gridiron Gang II (2008):
"Do you smell The Rock's disappointment in you all for ending up back in prison even after our football team inspired you all to make something of yourself?"

and after the uninspired response to The Rock The Casbah (2009):
"Do you smell what The Rock made?! A horrible comedy set in Morocco! With Matthew Perry! Do you smell The Rock firing all of his people? Or do you smell The Rock's rotting career?"

and on "Rock Live! on Food Network, 2020:
"Do you smell what The Rock is cooking?! Lightly broiling in a nice lemon-ginger sauce??? You don't! Because you're watching this on TV! And HDTV-Smellovision doesn't come out until next year!"

Charles S. Dutton, formerly Roc on "Roc," 2020:
"Rock Live? Sounds much like our brief but excellent run of live television, 'Roc Live'! Do you smell what the actor who played Roc's lawyers are cooking? (cough, cough.) I sure am getting old! Time for The Roc to take The Pills!"

Jay-Z, co-founder of Roc-A-Fella records, 2020:
"The Rock, Roc, The Roc...who cares? I'm making money on all three of them anyway, and even the blog you're currently reading this on. 14 years in the past. Oh, I can't run Def Jam, but I run things. Holla."

2006-09-26T23:21:00.000-05:00

Behold, the aqueduct where excellence is created through the cleaning of the wack.

Okay, this new template might seem a little absurd but
a) this isn't exactly a custom-designed blog, and
b) it still looks alright to me.

I maybe, maybe, maybe might soon be starting a website on poker that will turn this thing into more of an updated around once a week* thing with postings about things I'm up to all the time, especially if I keep doing as much as I've been doing.

Now bring me fresh, fresh water. But, from where?

*once a week being more like fourteen posts in a week, then nothing for a month. at least judging by my habits and the gottdamn novel I'm working on.

"Where Is My Mind?" (Pixies, Surfer Rosa)

2006-09-19T13:48:00.000-05:00

There's an odd little comment from the most random fan I've ever accumulated, ever, on the comments of yesterday's post, Lizziebeth-1 from Sydney. (Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy.) Read it for yourself, but basically, Lizziebeth read a user comment I posted way back in October 1999 on the IMDB comments for Fight Club when I first saw it at a premiere screening Edward Norton introduced. Me, a doe-eyed freshman. Fragments from my not-terribly-well-written IMDB comment (I wasn't exactly attempting my A-material here):

"This film owes a lot to The Game, David Fincher's last movie, in that it ends up with a complex plot that is solved a little too easily and non-logically...the movie basically builds up to a climax that just doesn't resolve much, and then resolves that with a further illogical ending. The laughs along the way are not for the faint of heart or those who don't appreciate black comedy, but they are the highlights of the film...[It's not] the combination of nihilism and comedy doesn't send the movie into mediocrity. It's when the movie turns serious that it starts to turn sour, as the plot twists out of control and a strange comedy turns into just another movie in the Seven/The Game/The Matrix genre of stylish, mindless violence..."

Lizziebeth wondered how I felt about this old opinion of mine, and I think she sides on the non-fan side here. I do too, but not as much as I thought I did. The movie is more a disappointment than it is a failure. But it got me to thinking about pieces of pop I never really liked even though some of my friends did, or did even if some friends of mine didn't. Opinions are like assholes; they need regular cleaning. Here's some revisions on my first opinions.

FIGHT CLUB
--A movie I ended up watching several more times, by accident more than design, especially when it was on my parents' satellite TV as I sat, bored as hell, at the old home in Mexico City. I also read the book a couple years ago, and lemme tell you, the Jim Uhls' screenplay was perfect insomuch as that raggedy-ass book is written like a screenplay, which is irritating in nonmovie form.

The first act, from The Narrator's insomnia to the very first punch that starts fight club, might actually be one of my favorite pieces of movie. It deteriorates later. A work that can't decide if it's against some ill-defined elements of our tamed society or against those who violently oppose them...or for that matter, what it actually thinks of violence and its necessity(/nonnecessity?)...well, it's just sorta fucked. Pretty well-directed and acted though. I think I blame Chuck P.

then: "...the fuck?"
now: "30% awesome, and nice use of the Pixies over the credits."

GHOST DOG: WAY OF THE SAMURAI
--Like all Jim Jarmusch movies, it's deliberate, sometimes a bit too much so, which is probably why some friends of mine slept through this. I love the transposition of samurai principles to hitman ways, the portrait of a weary, pathetic organized crime family left operating out of the back of a Chinese restaurant, the performances by Forest Whitaker (making the most out of few lines), as well as That Haitian Guy and That Italian Guy Who Loves Flavor Flav. The latter character is just awesome.

then: "I'm going to buy The Code of the Samurai and Rashomon and Other Stories right now, because this awesome movie bigged them up."
now: "I don't need to rewatch it again, six times later, but don't you talk shit about this flick. Did I mention the RZA did the music??"

THE LIFE AQUATIC WITH STEVE ZISSOU
--It's the most Wes Anderson movie Wes Anderson could make, and that's not a good thing. I love The Royal Tenenbaums, one of about three movies that made me cry in the last eight years, but Life Aquatic just uses the bells and whistles to no particular effect. Cate Blanchett is awesome as the pregnant journalist; Bill Murray enters OverLaconicLand. Perhaps Bill Ghostbustin-Ass Murray wasn't just acting stoned.

then: "Eh."
now: "Eh."

LUNA: RENDEZVOUS
--Lazy, unfocused, not terribly hooky, boring music by a bored band minus the amazing song "Astronaut," which sounded better when it appeared on the Close Cover Before Striking EP. But it is good background music for making out.

then: "Why am I so tired?"
now: "I need to either sell this record, get a girlfriend, or both."

That was fun. Imagine what would happen if I received comments a little more often than Terence Malick released movies.

"Workinonit" (J Dilla/ Jay Dee, Donuts) [RIP, James Yancey]

2006-09-18T14:48:00.000-05:00

Thinking of getting back into the studio for some shits and giggles (for those who have asked after it, no, I haven't found a permanent spot to put the Orlean Cooper EP Supervillain v. Petty Thief yet, but three songs are available off the MySpace page), probably with the stuff I've written using the amazing instrumentals of J Dilla's penultimate album as my template/beats. I found this old rhyme in my orange notebook and felt like posting it just for the hell of it. The tarot card deck mentioned is a major plot point in Gambit #1-#5, the comic book where I found/stole the name of my alter ego. The Chappelle's Show reference should be obvious enough. Remember, I didn't write this for me, I wrote it for him.

Here to acquire the inficio aquilus tarot deck
Now, do you take a personal check?
Overdraft at the bank, negative twenty cents
Better make the walls out of weak-ass cement
Like the ugly new Williamsburg architecture
I’d like to pose a conjecture.
Namely, completing the transaction.
Let’s take a cab to Brooklyn, baby and I’ll close your captions.
Always makes the tight-aggressive play
Don’t fuck with seven-deuce, she makes a bad lay
Goes with those who slay with their eyes
And them Suzanne Somers thighs.
She may be connected to Brighton Beach mafia
But what a lovely way to die, worth a try
Get in so hard it makes doves cry
And then she served us pancakes
Youngest brother like Eddie Murphy to Charlie
Can’t control the noise level, it’s a Harley
Quirky, called crazy and lazy, still is
But the younger man took your spot like you was Bruce Willis
Makes for better TV than the Electric Company
Put it in the tape deck, bump it into infinity.

"Coke Is It" (Tragedy) or "On Our Own" (Bobby Brown, Ghostbusters II soundtrack)

2006-09-13T15:39:00.000-05:00

Say it ain't so, Whitney, say it ain't go. This is as interesting an excuse to do another season as Being Bobby Brown as any, particularly if Bobby ends up with, well, the sort of gal you'd expect, but let this be a lesson to you. Do not talk about your sex life with your more famous wife/husband onstage, particularly if that show is a New Edition reunion. That is not black love. But then again, neither was this.

Unrelated: the Village Voice ran a nice article on ESG, underappreciated Bronx funk group. Check, check it.

"Dream Time" (The Jam, Direction, Reaction, Creation Box)

2006-09-11T10:31:00.000-05:00

I dreamt last night Project Runway was redesigning homeless people.

I had a dream a few nights ago that I was in the major leagues and every relief pitcher I faced had a Rollie Fingers mustache. This might sound really cool, but in practice, it was kind of scary. And then there was the dream where I was tied by my feet being hit with vinyl copies of Beatles records.

My dreams are normally really mundane. I think I need to make sure to go to sleep sober even on weekends.

"Thinking" (Ed O.G. f/ Masta Ace, Boondocks Soundtrack)

2006-08-30T15:32:00.000-05:00

It's nearly September, so although I'm not necessarily going to be a frequent blogger, I guess I'll start updating a little, especially now that the Red Sox' season and the first production of Love Is Good (which went pretty well, I think, although in my heat-induced madness I actually somehow forgot to plug it on my own website...hopefully we'll get this thing extended or transferred, too) are over. Not that I really have more time, but I do have a few less things to waste time with. Then again, I'm doing Fantasy Football this year in spite of not knowing football at all anymore. I'm pretty sure I made a big mistake in picking Michael Vick, too.

Other random thoughts:
—85 people replied to one craig's list ad posted for an opening at the Greenpoint office, or as some would call it, my need for a new roommate. 85. This is a microcosm of the sheer intensity and density of New York City.

—I'm thinking of recording a really stupid record of covers, done more or less a cappella. That is, in the style of A Cappella by Todd Rungren. Which is not the same thing as the a cappella groups that infested Yale like locusts. The first song on the record will be a cover of "Fruitman" by Kool & The Gang.

—I'm tired.

—David Ortiz, please don't die.

"Melting Study Part II" (Incomparable-Seven, available on the comp. Because You're Funky)

2006-08-04T09:48:00.000-05:00

What was going to be a one or two week vacation is gonna extend for another week after this, I think: the meltdown of New York City and most of the rest of the country—

(shakes fist at MSM, Cameron, and all those in the Bay Area, which I hope at least reached, gulp!, 90 degrees.)

—has left me behind on plenty of overdue writing I was unable to do when my face was, you know, melted and dripping onto my hollowed chest. Now I'm alright, in so much as I got one of those Darkman masks to cover up my damaged face, and am looking forward to seeking vengance against no one in particular.

See, this is the sort of bullshit imagery you end up with when your mind is too melted to function properly. Hunter S. Thompson wasn't just on every substance known to man during the Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas era, the man also might have had heatstroke.

See you in late August, but don't tell me I didn't warn you in advance: I've got a play, full production, going up August 24th. Don't stay in the Hamptons or Maine or Vermont too long, you lucky bastards.

"Top Billin'" (Audio Two)

2006-07-20T09:13:00.000-05:00

"Josh gets $30M deal", eh? Was anyone going to tell me I'm rich?

The Josh Beckett signing, or extension actually, particularly since they were going to have control of him through 2007 one way or another, seems wise on a day when my namesake pitched 8 shutout innings, even if it was against the Royals. That's thinking really short-term. Long-term, this keeps a very good pitcher with a real possibility of greatness at Fenway for the same money Kris Benson got a couple years back. That's a good signing all the more so because the pitching market is always prone to oddity. See Burnett, A.J., one of the last pitchers in the world deserving of a five-year deal.

I'm happy with the Red Sox, although this seems likely to be one of those years where a very deserving American League team is left out of the playoffs, maybe two.

I'm hoping those teams are the Yankees and Twins; the Twins seem to have too much ground to make up even with the pitching staff they ended up with this year. (The A.J. Pierzynski trade with San Francisco has quickly become one of the worst of all time: Liriano, Nathan, and a man named Boof all for an irritating if fairly talented catcher that lasted all of a year before the Giants tired of his shit.)

But the Yankees have the potential to make it a two playoff team AL East yet, and will not go unnoticed by the Yankees until we clinch the pennant. Yeah, I said it.

"Enjoy Yourself" (A-Plus)

2006-07-19T08:16:00.000-05:00

Notes from a double feature.

LOCATION

A Sunday afternoon/evening, the Regal Union Square theaters.

ADVERTISEMENT: "Fanta Fever"
"Don't chawanna?" "Wanna?" I'm not saying I wouldn't mind it with any of y'all, but you'd really have to shut up with that goddamn song, Grape my girl. [C+]

TRAILER: "The Gridiron Gang"
Football and inmates and The Rock. Boring. Not X-treme enough. Could the spirit of gridiron "glory" save racist rapists, instead of these chump juvie offenders? I doubt it. [C. My racist rapists movie idea: B]

ADVERTISEMENT: "Welcome to Regal Cinemas"
Sadly underbudgeted 3D graphics, with a depressing ad for the Will Rogers Institute, which I've never had properly explained to me in terms of the charitable benefits therein. Shady. But Tommy Lee Jones was in an ad of theirs. [Ads: D-, Will Rogers Institute: Incomplete]

THE MPAA
"Some mild peril" on the explanation of The Barnyard's rating. Y'all are quantifying everything. [D]

TRAILER: "Accepted"
Starring Justin Long as a kid who doesn't get into college, so he invents one...a little TOO successfully! Shenanigans ensue. This looks vaguely awesome. [B+]

TRAILER: "Lady In The Water"
Once, I got tricked into seeing The Chronicles of Riddick in theaters by a friend who got me high and then over my protestations bought me the ticket at the 11 p.m. screening. It was at the Regal Union Square, in fact. Nick, do not get me high and pay for me to see this film. (Oh, did you know that M. Night Shamamediocredirector made up his middle name? You can't do that, yo.) [C-]

MOVIE: "Superman Returns"
Awesome. The lamest superhero actually is pretty entertaining to watch, and that John Williams theme song is more awesome than I remember. A little long. [A-/B+, as I received on my last paper at Yale. What kind of half-assed bullshit grading is that? Make up your mind!]

MAKING UP MY MIND: [A-]

MOVIE: "Click" (55%, from beginning [approx.])
I quit this just as it started to get sappy. Adam Sandler is richer than Jesus because he makes movies like this and people go to them. See you in hell, motherfuckers. [Incomplete, but at the time of drop, C-]

"Superman" (Roger Troutman, bonus track on The Many Facets Of Roger)

2006-07-17T15:39:00.000-05:00

Some friends of mine, Marcisak, McCoy and Kalan, put together some great Superman videos. This is my favorite. This is just like my final meeting junior year with my intermediate fiction professor. Humanities professors. Mmm. (My review of Superman Returns will be coming tomorrow.)

"Paraphernalia" (Miles Davis, Miles In The Sky)

2006-07-17T08:47:00.000-05:00

--the dates for the New York debut of Love Is Good, a comedy I wrote, are set: August 24-28.

--one of my headphones is broken. this revealed that the right channel of "Eminence Front" by The Who is more awesome separated from the rest of the song. have yet to hear the left channel alone, which just may have NO vocals on it (also awesome), but I think I've now figured out how to sample this song. I am working on a couple new EPs these days, one based off of Donuts, the other more of an original beats kind of thing. Only so applicable insomuch as my own style is sample-based. But I'm a work in progress.

--"Strobelight Honey" by Black Sheep is keeping me awake in an office that serves nothing but decaf coffee, a substance shown to be a cancer risk, but which more importantly can more or less put you to sleep. Touch it. You want to.

--My temp job has become dangerous. Will this cause me to quell my boredom by posting more or less often? Stay tuned.