"Enough" (Gil Scott-Heron)

"Inspired" by the ongoing disaster that is the only NBA team I kinda root for, the New York Knicks (rooting interest for which I blame my roommate...and the catchy MSG Network theme song, which I am going to sample on a rap track someday soon), I wrote this sketch in five minutes on the train. I guess I was also inspired by the desire to kill Isiah Thomas, but other people have had that impulse. Michael Jordan, even.

MADISON SQUARE GARDEN, near the Knicks' bench

MONTAGE:

"Highlights" from the New York Knicks losing game after game played in traditional pregame video fashion, over "Eminence Front" by The Who. The starting lineup for the New York Knicks this night is announced: tonight, it's Nate Robinson, Stephon Marbury, Eddy Curry, David Lee, and Malik Rose. All are booed by the crowd when introduced, except David Lee and Nate Robinson.

STARBURY
Yo, Nate Dogg, D. Lee, why didn't they boo you?

NATE
I dunno. Because I'm 5' 8" and won the Slam Dunk Contest last year.

D. LEE
And me, well, I'm white.

STARBURY
Oh yeah.

ANNOUNCER
And YOUR head coach and general manager, the man who assembled YOUR 2005 New York Knicks, ISAAAAIIIAH THOOOOOMAS!

Boos get really, really loud. Isiah enters, seemingly oblivious to how much everyone hates him. Then the boos cease, very quickly. Isiah looks a little perturbed. Someone in the crowd throws a D battery, followed by another, and another, and another. Isiah lies on the ground, well-beyond dead. Crowd cheers, players applaud.

EDDY CURRY
That was amazing. I mean, clearly Isiah made a ridiculous trade when he acquired me. I'm saying, I'm good and all, but I have...

(Eddy Curry clutches his weak heart, the one that made the Chicago Bulls trade him. He falls dead. Crowd cheers again.)

D. LEE
This is getting kinda scary.

STARBURY
I'm getting the hell outta here.

MALIK ROSE
Stephon, look out!

(Starbury slips on the floor, lands on his head. He's dead. Crowd cheers louder than before.)

MALIK ROSE
I was gonna tell him they waxed that spot of the floor a little too much right there. Oh well, what are you gonna do?

ANNOUNCER
And now, please rise. Here to sing our national anthem, please welcome Def Jam Recordings artist D! M! X!

(DMX enters, stabs Malik Rose in the gut, barks a couple times, walks off, towards a microphone. Malik Rose falls dead. No one in the crowd seems to have noticed.)

D. LEE
Wow.

NATE
Yeah.

Beat.

NATE
I guess we really are the future of the team NOW!

D. LEE
Awesome!

They high five. DMX begins a painful rendition of "The Star-Spangled Banner" as the scene fades.