"Enjoy Yourself" (A-Plus)

Notes from a double feature.

LOCATION

A Sunday afternoon/evening, the Regal Union Square theaters.

ADVERTISEMENT: "Fanta Fever"
"Don't chawanna?" "Wanna?" I'm not saying I wouldn't mind it with any of y'all, but you'd really have to shut up with that goddamn song, Grape my girl. [C+]

TRAILER: "The Gridiron Gang"
Football and inmates and The Rock. Boring. Not X-treme enough. Could the spirit of gridiron "glory" save racist rapists, instead of these chump juvie offenders? I doubt it. [C. My racist rapists movie idea: B]

ADVERTISEMENT: "Welcome to Regal Cinemas"
Sadly underbudgeted 3D graphics, with a depressing ad for the Will Rogers Institute, which I've never had properly explained to me in terms of the charitable benefits therein. Shady. But Tommy Lee Jones was in an ad of theirs. [Ads: D-, Will Rogers Institute: Incomplete]

THE MPAA
"Some mild peril" on the explanation of The Barnyard's rating. Y'all are quantifying everything. [D]

TRAILER: "Accepted"
Starring Justin Long as a kid who doesn't get into college, so he invents one...a little TOO successfully! Shenanigans ensue. This looks vaguely awesome. [B+]

TRAILER: "Lady In The Water"
Once, I got tricked into seeing The Chronicles of Riddick in theaters by a friend who got me high and then over my protestations bought me the ticket at the 11 p.m. screening. It was at the Regal Union Square, in fact. Nick, do not get me high and pay for me to see this film. (Oh, did you know that M. Night Shamamediocredirector made up his middle name? You can't do that, yo.) [C-]

MOVIE: "Superman Returns"
Awesome. The lamest superhero actually is pretty entertaining to watch, and that John Williams theme song is more awesome than I remember. A little long. [A-/B+, as I received on my last paper at Yale. What kind of half-assed bullshit grading is that? Make up your mind!]

MAKING UP MY MIND: [A-]

MOVIE: "Click" (55%, from beginning [approx.])
I quit this just as it started to get sappy. Adam Sandler is richer than Jesus because he makes movies like this and people go to them. See you in hell, motherfuckers. [Incomplete, but at the time of drop, C-]